You know the old saying "I wish Sean Connery was dead!" ? Well, I finally found out where it comes from. But before I get into that, I have to ask the question: why does Sean Connery make terrible movie decisions?  Remember The League of Extraordinary Gentleman?  Oh, you thought you'd blocked that from your memory, didn't you?  And word is he was set to play Professor X in the X-Men, but turned it down because he "didn't understand it."  Maybe he just has a really bad agent.  Perhaps that would explain why he would have ever made Zardoz.

First of all, the plot: a trained killer finds redemption with immortals living in paradise. Sure, I've heard much worse, and maybe it doesn't even sound that bad. Now, throw in bad writing, long scenes, monotonous music, a diaper-wearing Sean Connery, bad set design--- A DIAPER-WEARING SEAN CONNERY?! What were the makers of this movie thinking? Even worse, the box is covered with shots of his "chest." Don't they usually try to sell these types of movies by placing women all over the cover? Who are they advertising to?

Excuse me, while I go scratch out my eyes.

While we're on the subject of sex appeal, let me take a moment to actually complain about all the breasts in this movie. It never ended. Every time the director knew the movie was getting boring, he'd arbitrarily make a topless woman walk across the screen. And at one point the immortals try to... give Sean Connery... an erection. Oh God... Oh God, why?

While Sean Connery (the monster) is routinely subjected to tests, another character believes he's a threat, and seeks to kill him. So, naturally, by the end of the movie, I'm ready for Connery to bite the bucket (or however that expression goes). Well, instead his buddies from the outside bust in and kill everyone. Yes, everyone. There's a complete bloodbath for ten minutes, while many of the immortals beg to be killed.

The movie does give the viewer a sudden feeling of relief at the end (when the credits scroll onto the screen). Bottom line: it really, truly sucks.